Monday, 31 December 2007


dog food shop ?

as the garlic mushroom mash....

settles, I consider what "time" is.

Previously on this subject...

"time is a relative concept to help people know where they are"

I might well have misquoted myself there.

does that notion of relative concept apply more at this day of 2007.

This day having significance because of the measure of days.

Does time have much meaning. In considering it, one could ignore it, still existing and "still doing stuff"

Is time simply a device for measurement. ?

Sunday, 30 December 2007

Saturday, 29 December 2007

dog food shop ?

dog food shop ?


surprise !

I'd lost how to play. Ground to a halt, disappeared into a dark passage of thought.

helping the play now is another blog.

Not a named blog, just a place for me to out some thoughts.

Possibly with pictures, that'll be nice hey !

dog food shop ?

where is the dog food shop.

is it there.

is it.......over here.

the sun is out, time to explore.

Friday, 28 December 2007

can't think of a title



hello,good morning and welcome...

my feet are cold.

Monday, 24 December 2007

it's just a day

thoughts about doubt.

doubt within.

if it's not fun anymore, what do you do ?

is part of it realising it's not fun anymore.

washing up, drinking coffee. sad-again.

Tirednessness fuels depressive tendancy in me. Am I that tired. Have I had to work that hard at the course, that it leaves me, shell like.

Numb, yes I feel numb.

back to washing up...

Wednesday, 19 December 2007

first module result

i've passed the first module. not much time to appreciate what that feels like. Too much nonsense lately with the staff member to add much value to it. Mayb ein time that will return. I really hope so. With other deadlines approaching and lots of fear and questioning going on, time is best spent looking forward to what is needed to be done.

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

pm blues

as the day progressess(does a day progress) I get more tired. The papers today all have front covers theat when read from a distance makes our society look like we don't have a clue about what is going on. The national football team even has a 61 year old puppet-whoops-italian running it now.

It's days like this that the notion of being around people that you like,feel comfortable with and can have a laugh with become very real. If they are unavailable, are you best of just sticking to your own ground, doing your own thing. Keeping away from people that drain and don't replace.

early riser

still the aftermath of monday 10th lingers. At least this morning I've got up and used the time to do something constructive.

Sunday, 16 December 2007

after time with friends

after time with friends,my sense of grounding and centre return. Tired and happy, I can now interact with other people again.

Thursday, 13 December 2007


Maybe the 10 images have not failed. Brisley has said that maybe something....I need to look up what he said, can't remember fully.

Maybe the "thing " that I was going to do with the images has failed, and because of that something else will happen with the images. Oh joy :)

back to mashing potatoes.


I've had a play with the slideshow bit.
I've used images from Stage 1. Not looked at them for a while. The pub pictures were part of a "what is a pub" question being followed at the time. They were all taken in one day, all up for rental at a point just before the July 2007 smoking ban. One of the pubs no longer exists. it is believed to have been abducted and taken to Ireland.

bela lagosy is.....

well I'm not too sure how he is.

I'm feeling a little better today. I can see I have a failed piece on my sofa. That'll go in as a failure. I've got some books on reserve to catch up/renew my reading for the formal written bit, that's a struggle, oh well, guess it's part of th experience. Degree level is just that. We all might get in at the same time, do we all go the distance or are there stop off points along the way. Time will tell. As does the little boy with his finger covered in cream.

Wednesday, 12 December 2007

a recent worked image

an image I call "footplay"

I have lots of images of "feet"

I find them interesting within the shoes that they are enclosed in.

what am I left with

I'm left with, oh well I just have to lie to get what I want. Great. It's come to this.

job interview result

I didn't get the job.

any room for honesty ?

I went for a job interview last week. I was honest and open about the skills I had relevant to the position on offer. The two interviewing me were surprised and thanked me for my honesty. If I am successful, I should here by the end of this week.

I reflect about my interview. If I sat there and lied about what I could do, I would have stood a better chance of getting the job and in turn influence the people I would have been helping in the job. They did make it clear to me that because I was honest about what I could do, I was actually unsuitable. It's somewhat sad that the honesty shown was less important that what I send I could do. If I abstract to a wider field of people and stand back, is it any wonder that we now have a society where fairly ineffectual people are in very controlling positions.

I have to now go and do something completley different, if I continue with this study and exposure to people that I do not have the words for, I will start to question why i am alive. At that point, well I'm too scared to think about that. Like I say, I'm off to do something else.

making while sad

trying to make a thing while sad is a mistake. The thing is tainted, not pure. Making from a happy place is pure, beautiful and sustainable.

Making while sad, becomes part of the transience, working through the sadness to a purer state of mind.

realisation through sadness

it takes deep sadness to realise what something means or affects.
To struggle at something is to be expected.
To succeed at something is success, a joy, a high, an up.
How is it that during the process of attempting to succeed that the news of others success in the same struggle is such a draw back, a pull down a saddener.

Eventually the sadness will lead to discourse. The discourse bringing about a reality of careful sharing of news. Unless the the struggle is explored, how else can the discourse take place. To explore means sadness. Sadness is inevitable. Living in sadness is not inevitable as sadness is transitory. Transience of sadness lies within the person of sadness. Accepting that sadness is transitory, being the key to unlocking sadness and making it a transient state.

A result of transitory sadness is happiness. Simply because happiness is an antonym.

Tuesday, 11 December 2007

tuesday 11th December 2007

thoughtful now.

this is so now about me and my reaction to a situation.

The first piece made was fun, enjoyed doing it. Since then been in denial about that medium. Got myself as far as possible away from that. Result-unhappy.

play = happy

doing something because it appears to need to be done like that = unhappy

misunderstanding the process = unhappy

realising something = unsettled

Do I want to be unhappy - no

Do I want to be happy - yes

the only difference in the initial statement is un

the difference after the - is very different - expressed as a maths thing....

am i in possession of un

Streuth I'm in a room with children "one more, one more" Good to know that there are third year fine art students more into online gaming than making their work. Unless their work is about the online gaming. Are they that clever ?

Monday, 10 December 2007

art education

is art education merely based on an indivuidual basis, each student being marked on how they progress.

Thus when students talk to each other, the same tutor will appear to say two different things about the apparent same subject or issue. For those in negative nurture, this is confusing, distracting and difficult to live with.

Monday 10th December-disillusions

Monday the 10th December. Another day in december in a year known as 2007.

Not sure how many people I spoke to, yet the day has left me drained and feeling very low. Doubts in my mind about what I'm doing.

It would appear that if one does stuff that one is really into, the talking about it and being with it is very easy. If one has been nurtured into the world in a way that doing just what you want to do has always been encouraged, then doing what you want to do is very easy. If the nurturing was dismisive and negative, the doing what you want to do is full of self talk doubts.

Ergo, the making of objects just because you can sits well with those that have always been encouraged and supported in activities undertaken. For those that have had to constantly justify themselves the freedom to suddenly do, presents as many problems as opportunities.

Hence the nature of art as elitist, perhaps. A view from a low point of view would make the art presence fell above. Realistically, anybody can make something, just because they want to. Who has the right to question anybody over why they did and oh it's so poor isn't it. That is of course the right of the viewer, to the observed. Those in negative nurture will be affected by the over questioning, as it will trigger the historical negative nurture feelings. As in the human right act, that everybody has the right to family, why doesn't everybody have the right to make art. Where art is simply something made because you can.

Those in negative nurture will need some positive nurture to even things up. Those beginning in positive nurture will benefit greatly from the extra positive nurture. The really beautiful people will be able to use the extra positive nurture to help those in catch up nurture position.

Thursday, 6 December 2007

place space identity-a first look

I've looked at the blogspot for that project this morning-the documentary part of it. I feel quite upset. A huge emotional reaction to it. breakfast now before anyother thoughts.

Thursday, 29 November 2007


in a vain google attempt to find myself on the web, I was amazed that both versions of my name take google to a page to do with me. I'm quite chuffed about that. I realise now that I've progressed so far that the pages are now really requiring an update.

Tuesday, 27 November 2007

my first film reveiw - in about 100 words.

Survive Style 5+ (2004)

Having survived my boredom during the last 20 minutes, it did eventually end with something of a reassuring closure. Gen Sekiguchi’s 2004 production of Survive Style 5+ does have a familiar feel to a Tarentino from 1994 and a Ritchie of 1998. If you like films that hand everything on a plate to you, you’ll hate this one. Interesting debates evolve around use of colour and metaphor, and is it perception or perspective. For me, the film sets out several questions, that are more important than is this Sekiguchi’s first feature film. For one, did he make it with a western market in mind?

Wednesday, 31 October 2007

last day of October 2007

it is the last day of 2007.
It is th e - last day of October 2007.

Do we need to be told about when we are right and when we are wrong. maybe we know. Maybe we know before the comment is made. Maybe we don't need to hear the comment. Why does a person jump so quickly on what another person has said. Is it judgement. Is it dislike. Is it fear. Is it hit before you get hit.

If in the real world, comments are made in real time and it's all too fierce, why is it in the e - world where step time applies, that so few make a comment, engage, commit to an opinion. What is it, that is "in the way" of making a post ?

Wednesday, 24 October 2007

post shower period

after asparagus and egg. Beans coffee and tomatoe.

A shower.

Funny how it's a place for thought and cleansing. Thought, if a group of Fine Art students were in an air conditioned room in which the temperature became very warm. Would any of them question why it was so warm and ask for the temperature of the air conditioning to be turned down.

If I were to meet Richard Branson, I would attempt to ask him his thought or opinion about whether he sees a time where commercial business invests and supports projects that produce experience and not profit.

Saturday, 20 October 2007

at the end of the week

the sun is still in the sky, happiness and tired contemplation.

Don't want another week like that again. Too unsettling, too depresssional.

Maybe accepting, maybe still working on accepting. When does the personal work finish and the public really rev up.

Questions them all.

Answers to be discovered. How, we will see.

Saturday sleepyness

Saturday sleepyness.
Tea stained mouth.
achy legs,sore finger.

Taverning Cooper
to hot banana chocolate.

why stop there
what's her history
for only 25 pence.

Wednesday, 17 October 2007

am I calm

I've spoken to Sue.

feeling better.

We spoke about what happened on Monday. Maybe the process through which the group was taken was not as it should have been.

It has helped to talk to some one that is not directly connected with it.

There are afew new marks on the wall. Documentation to follow.

Tuesday, 16 October 2007

the day after the rep situation was revealed

after lunch. reactor filling the space to my right.

Working through-still, the aftermath of the weekend and the Monday that was quite unsettling. Those concerned know what happened. It has left me in a fragile mental state. Once again the depressive tendancy has been fuelled by my reactions to actions of others.

I still find it dissappointing. I still find in annoying.

What ?

The lack of consideration and thought and respect for human beings for other human beings. How much mental pain need I go through until someone starts to realise what I'm trying to say.

I'm trying to say, "if you decide something that affects someone, tell them before everyone else finds out. It f****** hurts when you find out at the same time as eveyone else. Why does it hurt. It hurts, as it is like hearing a nasty remark about you when you are in the room. The person saying the remark has no positive consideration about the person about whom the remark is said.

Just put yourself in that situation in your own mind.

Do you like how that feels ?

Sunday, 7 October 2007

At the beginning

Two weekends into the year. Needing to engage with something for a while, now have the Stage Two part.