I've looked through some old video tapes

after the finding of the laser show on line thingy, I stopped for a cup of tea, as you do. While waiting for the kettle, I wandered through my video collection. Stuff from the early 1990's. Found some stuff from the Laser company, and the production company. The prod co was very much into the corporate meeting thing, at a point when the corporate meeting thing was still fresh enough for managers to care about what happened at them.

I've got copies of both company videos, I appear(briefly) in the prod co vid. Very scary. After the prod co video, to my surprise, was the video of the Magic Carpet ride from Norwich Panto in 1994. I'd forgotten about working with Christopher Biggins, not surprising really I guess.

I'm feeling happier that in the past I have done stuff that I've really enjoyed. Over time the creative thread had become more geeky programming /techy. I can see now that the creative thinking is at a different level to that of the entertainment, corporate stuff in the past. Ultimately I am exploring how far into this higher level I can go, I can fit, if you like.

Trusting what I can do is important, I know I can do a lot, its the inner monologue that is upsetting stuff, I have a professional appointment booked to attempt to start to disarm that.

and I wonder...

why did I leave that Laser Operating thing.

then I find a video on line that reminds me of why I left, a lack of creativity within the Laser World. The notion of listening and expressing seemingly lost on the boys with the toys, "lets just press all the buttons, it's a laser show, everyone will love it" was the attitude. Very few promoters got what I was into, those that did were a joy to work for and I always had a lovely time with them all.

Have a look at the video. Do they give it all away too soon, do they translate aural into sight, is the voice over and storey just the naffest thing you've heard for a while.

oh wonderful, found one of my favourite tracks to work with

Joey Beltram, Energy Flash...

I'd spent hours, operating to this sort of sound

this lot regualarly turned up at events wot I was working at

a bit of what I did before.

I used to work at stuff like this.

and do I know what my narrative is

I found a blog for Manchester Photography this afternoon, very random comment I know.

Aware that I muck about, making images and sounds, not real dialogue or narrative, it just comes from me at the time that they come from me.

I'll keep doing my thing, having fun, playing, mucking about.

Why does it all have to be so serious.

and in balance

so beautiful, sets me thinking about rhythm, tempo, feeling, taking a back beat to it. There is a version with a back beat of course.

and this is purely indulgent on my part...

been playing...

I've been playing. Had to. Attempted to access high end equipment.
Just attempting to get inducted.
Money and low level politics of the unaware and unable,
getting in the way.
Back and forth,
round and round.

frustration.

Had to work through how I felt, been playing to get it onto the blog.
Feeling happy at achievement.

maybe I've found something...

subverting the corporate glossy, constructed perfect world.

Showing it in another way.